Step In! the Water’s Fine!

The work had become boring. It didn’t start out that way; I had reasons for taking the job, and those reasons were fulfilled. But I had learned the job and was bored.

So what did I do? I scared myself but good – by accepting a promotion! I briefly gave in to my fear and backed out but, with the encouragement of bosses and family, changed my mind – again! – and accepted the scary monster.

Know what? At the moment, I like it! It’s energizing! Problems constantly arise – and I’m able to solve them! Who knew?

So what’s the point? I feel as if I am becoming a new person – not only because of this new job, but partly so. I spent the first half of my life as the Queen of the Introverts, with my nose in a book. Recently, and to my great surprise, I’m finding that extroversion isn’t all bad.

Do I still relish time alone? Of course! This isn’t the Invasion of the Body-Snatchers, after all. But an unexpected side of myself is emerging, and I am eager to meet and welcome her.

Leaving Home

I took this photo in Alimena, the Sicilian hometown of my maternal grandfather. The part of Sicily my friend and I drove through during our June 2015 trip was hilly; the less-travelled roads we took had at least one literal U-turn. The landscape was beautiful, with small towns seeming to grow right out of the hillsides.

The experience of Sicily made me wonder why my grandfather left. Was it to escape the effects of World War I, during which so many of his townsmen were killed? Was it to escape the lack of amenities in a town that didn’t have indoor plumbing until the 1950s? Was it lack of work in what even today appears to be a small town?

I’ve raised these questions with my siblings, but all we can do is speculate. What I do know is that it took effort to leave Alimena, because even today it takes effort to travel to and from the town. He would have first had to get to the ferry – by car? by donkey? Then he would have taken the ferry to the mainland, and from there a ship to the United States. He must have been a determined young man.

I wish I knew more about what motivated my grandfather. I do remember him, but the elderly version of a person can be a faint reflection of the younger. I know that from watching my father age: Had I not known him as a younger man, I would never have guessed who he was and all that he had accomplished.

My visit to Alimena gave me an insight into who my grandfather was before he became the rotund old man who spoke broken English and brought us coloring books. He had a young man’s dreams, once. I hope at least some of them were fulfilled in the country he worked so hard to reach.

Blessed are the poor

This post comforts me because. although I am not materially impoverished, I do often feel myself on the margins of this U.S. society. Most of the time, I do not feel “in sync” with this culture. Thus, while my body is comfortably fed and housed, my inner self often feels the way these people look. This blogger reminds me that God is found among those who are materially on the margins. Even more importantly for me personally, this post reassures me that God is among those like me who feel marginalized in other ways. Please do visit the blogger’s site. The photo says it all.

prayer & verse

We are mindful, O God,

  that You dwell among the lowliest people of the Earth,

  that You sit on the dust-heap among those in the slums and those in prison,

  that You are present with the juvenile delinquents and the homeless,

  that You throng with the beggars seeking bread,

  that You suffer with the sick,

  and that You stand in line with the unemployed.

May we be mindful that when we forget the unemployed, we forget You.

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Grand Gestures and Important Things

I’ve re-blogged a couple of good posts, but what am I thinking? Good things have been happening lately. I mentioned earlier that I accepted a job I wanted. I expect to continue dealing with anxiety about that job because anxiety is in my DNA, but I will stick with it and learn whatever it can teach me.

I’m happier when I’m doing creative things and my best creative gifts are with words, hence this blog. I have also done some creative things with the photos from my summer trip to Italy with a friend. Even crocheting rag rugs – putting the colors together, relaxing to the repetitive motion of hook and fingers – satisfies a creative impulse.

From a broader perspective, I am no longer trying to make Grand Gestures, as I did when I was younger. I wanted to do Something Important, and I ended up exhausting my inner self. Those Grand Gestures had their place. I don’t have to say, “What if…?” because I tried so many things.

Now, in my older-and-wiser years, I’m starting to get the hang of taking my life cues from the day-to-day. My retail job doesn’t look like much in terms of ambition and prestige, but I’m learning: how to coach rather than criticize; how to listen patiently rather than try to move people along; how to trust my own decision-making.

Life continues to be challenging, and often I just want to rest. But I am here, and I pray for the energy to keep learning and growing.

the view from the bus

Derek’s story reminds me of how easily I judge and categorize the people who come into the store where I work. After a customer leaves, I might make a “crazy” gesture to a co-worker, or comment that the person has “issues.” When push comes to shove, I have issues, too. Why can’t I just let people “be”?

Derek Maul: Words & Photographs for the Journey

The godly care about the rights of the poor;
    the wicked don’t care at all. – Proverbs 29:7

My quick excursion into Florida is complete, so now it’s time to catch up on some work. My plan was to deliver our old SUV to Rebekah’s brother in Jacksonville (“seeing with new eyes, and missing much less“), then jump on a bus heading north. Today’s post tries to tell that story.

BIGOT: First, I can’t write about this the way I thought I would, going in. It turns out I came to the Greyhound station pre-loaded with assumptions, generalizations, judgements, and bigoted, prejudicial points of view regarding my fellow-travelers.

Instead, my bus – as well as the four depots I spent some time at – was loaded with the most colorful assortment of real people; people with stories; people with hopes, dreams, struggles, and disappointments; people just like…

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A patient Patient

This blogger posts a reading from a faithful person of the past or present, such as Mother Teresa or Martin Luther, along with a related quote from the Gospel. The blog is reflective, not preachy. I will be following it.
Therese

prayer & verse

Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative of the dignity of my high vocation and its many responsibilities.  Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.
And, O God, while you are Jesus my patient, deign also to be to me a patient Jesus, bearing with my faults, looking only to my intention, which is to love and serve you in the person of each of your sick.
Lord, increase my faith bless my effort and work, now and forevermore.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, 1910-1997

_______________________

Matthew 25:37-40

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A God-thing

For the last few years, I have had difficulty feeling connected to God through the usual means of church and the Bible. Yet I do believe firmly that God exists, and I hope deeply that God is involved with me. So I’m looking at my life for evidence of God’s activity.

What is my life telling me about God? I just accepted a new position at my company that will challenge me. I want challenge, I want to learn, and yet I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of losing what I have. My sister wrote that sometimes things in her life seem orchestrated, and she sees these occurrences as evidence of One who orchestrates.

That is what I am seeing in the events surrounding this job offer. After initial anxious reflection, I turned it down. I see God’s activity through my supervisors as they encouraged and supported me, reassuring me that I  capable of doing this work and that I will receive the training I need. I also see God in that the position was still open when I changed my mind and decided to accept it.

To someone looking on from the outside, these occurrences have natural explanations; as I look at them from the context of my life, I see evidence of God. It’s only evidence, however; it isn’t proof.

I’m willing to give God the benefit of the doubt. I hope that’s good enough.